Are you in India?

You know when you're in India because in the month of May the rooftops and sidewalks are too hot to walk on without shoes. Even when you say the word shoes it only means enclosed footwear. If you are referring to sandals which everyone is wearing then you should refer to them as slippers. If you are washing your laundry by hand in buckets then you go and hang them to dry in the sun you first try to go without shoes because it is the most natural and lazy way, but soon after the soles of your feet are red and they feel like they are covered in 1,000 blisters you hold your dripping wet clothes on one arm and put your shoes on with the other.
You know you're in India when you wake up in the morning and after opening your eyes you are already sweating like you have just been working out at the gym. If you take a shower you need to have an initial sweat to block your pores so you sweat less afterwards or you are already wet so you don't feel as if you are sweating as much. If you eat a meal anytime during the day or night, even after the sun sets and the cool night air consumes your surroundings, you will sweat. Whether it is the curry spices or the work you have to do chewing and feeding yourself you will be sweating like a fat white man at New Jersey beach.
You know you are in India if you have strange happenings with your skin. If you go for a walk and then prepare to take a bath and see heat rash all over your thighs or sit on the floor during dinner and then realize that your leg is covered in red ants that are biting you. If you scrape your knee or scratch your mosquito bites and everyone shows concern and wonders how and what has happened to you similar to the effect of you being in a serious accident. If you being to examine other peoples strange skin ailments like albinism, boils, goiters, strange scars and then suspect yourself of the same problems. You are definitely in India.
If you are in a restaurant, meeting, medical shop, fruit stand, bus station or wherever and everyone around you is coughing and hacking and spitting pieces of their throats on the ground you are definitely in India. I think at least half the population has some kind of bronchial infection, irritation or just enjoys hacking. The intensity of the dust is something that no human body, no matter how long you have worked to adapt to this environment, cannot get used to. The pollution and exhaust from the cars with no emission standards is definitely another culprit, but no one is complaining about that.
You know you are in India when you ask local people for directions and they themselves don't even know where places are. Is it before or after the slum area?Is it the first street on the right or the second street on the left. If you read the book India: Culture Shock as I did before visiting you will be informed that people will make up directions even if they don't know where your destination is. As if it is making you less manly if you admit that you don't know where the location is. This is something to hilariously compare to the US with the notion that men won't ask for directions. After living in India, I'm not sure if it's women's instinct or experience, but I can tell when someone is making up directions even if they seem totally legitimate. This is definitely a task that needs superior focus because the directions are being given to someone in my party in Tamil. Sometimes the attitude or the drunken slurs that give it away.